And reality hits full force.

I'm so

MAD.

You have no idea how angry I am right now.
How much those little things people say/do are effecting me right now. I'm just so sick of bullshit and lies and stupididty, on my part included.

Wednesday I confronted someone about something that happened on that day I don't want to talk about anymore, and she walked out of first period, tearing.

So I went off on the other person involved.
And they took it about the same way.

"I just can't stand seeing -insertnamehere- cry anymore... Over something so stupid..."

"...I cannot stand seeing you do this.. Because it hurts you just as much, I know."

Well, I can't. I just can't. I've done enough crying over stuff like this, and it doesn't help. What helps is getting something done. So just stop being so fucking reclusive. You're killing yourselves over something this stupid. Yes you want me to drop it, and I have stopped talking about it.

If you touch a hot stove, you move your hand. You don't keep your hand there waiting for it to cool off. You burn yourself either way, but you keep yourself from needing a lot more healing doing the former.

***

Andanotherthing... Well, never mind. I said I'd stop posting about my relationship problems.

July sort-of said some things... And I still need to remember that I am only sixteen.

***

I want to think like Evelina. Be all happy and optimistic. I can't help myself. Being self loathing and pessimistic. I always have been. Tyler says it's cute, and what makes me, me... I think Eeyore is cute and pessimistic, I think that I'm just sad thinking the way I do..

She shouldn't grow up, I feel terrible that I told her to, but love doesn't work like that for me. I didn't understand where she got the notion that it did work like that.

Do you know how much pain I've gone through for the person I like right now? How much shit I've gone through because of "love?"

***

I'm just tired of this. Maybe it's the weather. I keep waking up and hoping January is over. But it's still going strong. Tomorrow Feburary begins. Hopefully it's going to get better for everyone, it certainly cannot get any worse at the moment.

Jansen, do you want to know why I call you Atticus??
Heh, well first off, you associated my childhood with Scout's a little while back.

But here's why:
You lecture me all the time... Yet you're so carefree and fun.
You scold me a lot, like Atticus would Scout. But you still manage to make me not feel like I've been scorned.

You've grown a lot, you have.
You'll never get anywhere by forcing it too much though.

*I also donated blood today :D

heh, love always <3

CLT: I feel as if I am maturing a lot faster than I really am sometimes. I think that my mind is about ten years ahead of my body. I don't know how a "teenager" thinks... So I don't really have anything to go on, but I feel as if I am older than everyone mindset-wise. Don't ask me why. And I can't decide if that's a bad thing or a good thing.