Heart.

This lacrosse practice was possibly the worst I've ever attended. After running a lap, and doing shuttles, we run the dreaded mile. My anxiety always acts up during the mile... I couldn't finish.

When it comes to miles, or games, or anything timed... I end up shutting down.

I get an anxiety attack, and after I finish running, you can tell, I'm out.

I just

shut

Down.

Then I had to work on a drill with Trang/Grace...
I felt like a disgrace...

I couldn't throw, or catch correctly... My hands were shaking, and I was on the verge of tears. I told Bridget about how I felt, and Hannah, they were encouraging... Sort-of.. My mind was set on quitting, I was so out of it.
(This was tuesday)



Wednesday...

I'm not as enthusiastic as I should be about lax... The previous day making me want to quit.

Well, practicing with the sticks was a lot better than running... I can't stand running. But Sokol's practices are always BS because the same people won't listen or shut up... Then, when we were working on Defense drills, we didn't do ANYTHING half the time we were supposed to. Sokol took so long to come to our groups that we had started doing quicksticks. Then she bitched about us doing quicksticks when she wanted us to stand at the ready for 5 minutes each.

And guess who started drama again???? :]]

If this is the way this season is going to be, I don't know if I want to play or not.

Thursday...

I'm not good enough for varsity... I don't have the perserverance, the stamina, or the skill to be moved up, not yet. I don't really want to have our JV team act like it/we did last year... I told Coach that if I came back today I would probably come back for the whole season.. Yesterday's practice was so like, unexplanable, I didn't get anything out of it... I just felt like I was in class again, not playing a sport or something. Last practice didn't give me much to go on. We're running the mile again today, I hope I do well..