ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, bra!

Lately I've noticed changes in myself brought upon by unseen forces and unspoken words.
For example, I'm not a metal head anymore. Well, as much.

I don't listen to the black metal stuff on my Ipod as much anymore. Right now I'm listening to Say Anything! Which is sooooooo beyond Metal.

When I watch you, wanna do you, right where you're standing. On the foyer, on this dark day, right in plain view...
hm, sounds like something Vinh would say....

The bands I used to listen to CONSTANTLY in 7/8th grade:

HIM
Bright Eyes
Underoath
Linkin Park
Rancid
The Misfits
Metallica
Atreyu
etc, etc.

I don't listen to them as much.. and all of them except Bright Eyes & Rancid are heavy rock.

The Bands I now listen to CONSTANTLY in 9th/10th grade:
Alexisonfire
Bullet For my Valentine
Ingrid Michaelson
Incubus
Jack Johnson
Hollywood Undead
The Used
Cute Is What We Aim For
Marolyin Manson? (SERIOUSLY! I've been listening to him over and over and over. Kind of the outlier in this little set... xD)
Sublime
etc.etc.

All lightER stuff. Especially people like Jack Johnson and Ingrid Michaelson. Who only play acoustic stuff/light rock. I still listen to some scream-o/metal/rock.. just not as much. And note, these lists are bands that I listen to most often, I still listen to some harder stuff when I feel like it. Just not as often.
Maybe I don't need the intense screaming singers with blairing guitars and intense lyrics about hate and pain and death anymore. I don't see any metal heads who are happy inside, or love to go outside and chill with friends at the mall. I see metal heads/rockers chain smoking and moshing and spraypainting and doing stuff like that. I don't chain smoke. I don't mosh (more because I can't than I don't want to). I do my schoolwork. I don't fit the bill for a rocker chick. Not like I ever did.. But my music taste is changing.

So is my clothing style. I used to wear ALL BLACK. Black tees and jeans. That's all I'd wear.
I still only wear Jeans. I own a couple pairs of shorts. only one that's not made of denim. I still wear my jeans in the summer. But I bought a DRESS at the beach. It's black and green. GREEN. It's a color I never ever wear or have worn. I mean it's still partly black. But it's a start. And It's a dress. My hair used to be long and brown. Then shorter and brown. Then shorter and black. Now it's shortER and brown with some red in it. I'm definitely opening up to newer styles/tastes.

I'm happy. I think. For the first time in a while I feel liberated and happy. I can think about my past and say "yea, some of it sucked. but it's over, and there are so many things to do and see and try, there's no reason to be sad anymore." My chest still hurts sometimes, I get down still yea. But it's fading, and it's never extremely heavy... not like it was through Middle School. I have symptoms of clinical depression and social anxiety disorder... They're never going to go away, I know that. But i can fight feeling sick and scared. I'm going to beat them.

I'm a lot more rebellious. Drugs and alcohol never used to be a part of my life. But i'm happy with them there. Nothing is to the extreme blackout drunk whathappennedlastnight. Just an occasional hit of the bong or a couplea beers. I've ditched class and I've told off teachers and other kids... but for good reason. Shabannacoughcoughhack excuse me!

I'm a hell of a lot less shy than I was, I stand up for myself and know who I am. I know when I need to tell someone to lay off, I don't just sit down and take it anymore.

Everyone else is changing.. I think that everybody else is a bit happier too, a little more liberated at least, Vy-anh and Anna seem to be huge examples of this. Maybe the whole "we're teens in highschool let's make the most of it!!" vibe has finally set in. But my sad past is but a fleeting memory. I'm so excited to see where we go.

This is going in my journal too, because I can't sum it up anybetter than this.

Change is good. I welcome it. :]

The fact that I am changing hasn't been so prominent to me before. I wonder how far we'll go...

Keep breathing - Ingrid Michaelson