But if you really knew me by now you'd realise that I have probably the lowest self esteem out of all of us.
Did you know that I used to SI because I got so depressed?
Do you know that when people call me fat I take it seriously?
I stopped eating almost completely for a week or so, when someone told me I needed to lose weight earlier this year.
The only reason I started playing sports was to get fit.
And to leave me, just begin ignoring me without a word otherwise...
Especially after how greatful I was to you for helping me conquor my fears last week.
You know what all of the males in my life have done?
Either used me and left, or have just completely cut me out.
My dad, for one. I mean, goddamnit. If you really knew how much you hurt me this week... ESPECIALLY because you sort-of left me for the one person in our "group" you KNOW I have some problems with.
Okay, maybe I am taking this too seriously. So maybe I can't take a joke. But to not say two words to me in person this entire week, you made me think I offended you somehow...
Now I see that you're just acting like that one person you dispise.
Going away, saying you don't want to hang out because of one reason or another... Then, like that person, you're going to come back and think somethings aren't going to change between us.
I loved having you as a part of my life, and regular circle of friends... I would love it if you would start talking to me again...
Most of your jokes and things I can shrug off, but this, this takes it.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Kings Dominion adventure :D
Woken up by Calvin at around 5:30. Went back to sleep and got out of bed at around 6:30ish. Tom didn't get me until around 8:30, we ran late at first, but he sped and got us there in almost under an hour. So we got our tickets and were off.
I conquered part of my fear of falling yesterday at KD. Those roller coasters that go upside-down, they were so freeing. I felt humiliated not going on the Beserker, being the only one not going on it (even Samantha could ride it), along with Dominator... I was terrified. I had to redeem myself in some way. So I rode the Crypt, a little ride that is sort-of supposed to demonstrate what being roasted on a spit feels like... I was gonna ride the Volcano, I was terrified of that... But it broke down while we were in line.
The Crypt: Samantha persuaded me to go up, while the guys were telling me I should stay with her, because I would freak out. I did freak at first, I almost asked the ride manager person to get me off, but I stayed on, and did a bunch of flips in the air. I screamed really loudly, but I made it out alive. What fun, what fun, I wanted to ride it again. When I got down I had double vision. @_@
After the Crypt I wanted to ride something with more loops, even though I was scared. I was psyched. I only rode one more with the upside down part though, the other one, and my favorite roller coaster so far was this indoor roller coaster called Flight of Fear. It in this HUGE building, shaped like a CIA facility out in front, but you go inside and it's this sketchy place full of boxes and caution tape. Then you get to the ride, inside a UFO??? xD
Evelina told us to watch it as they started up the ride... It starts off normal, the dudes checking seats and whatnot, but when it starts... wow. The ride manager wishes them a good trip with a mere "goodbye." Then the people zipped-off like at 70 miles per hour into this dark tunnel. It was creepy because both ends were tunnels, and both were pitch black. So I went on, sitting with Evelina. And the guy did the exact same thing to us:
"3... 2... 1... GOODBYE."
You couldn't see anything, except for the little flashes of light that illuminated up pieces of the track... Holycrap were we high up, but how amazing! When it spun us sideways I couldn't help but scream as loud as I could and grip the seat.
I think the scarest part of the whole upside down thing for me was the fact that you fall a little bit out of your seat sometimes on roller coasters... and doing that upside down??? Not for me. I didn't want to feel that at all. I didn't at all once I tried it though... So awesome.
So we ate a picnic in the car, even though the air conditioning didn't cool down enough for us, and it was hotter inside the car than outside. Tom wanted to winride anyway prizes, and face Calvin in some games, so us girls and Vincent went to find things to ride on our own. We rode a lot of the smaller stuff, and we were going to go on this standing roller coaster, but we didn't because we didn't want to leave Samantha... I was still afraid of this one, so I didn't really volunteer to go with Evelina when she said she wanted to anyway... Next time~!
When the guys came back, everyone but Calvin, Samantha and I went on Dropzone... I was NOT going to go on Dropzone, not yet. That's a lot scarier for me than going upside down. A straight-to-the-ground fall. So that's for next time too. :]
After Dropzone I saw these little Piplup plush toys. I wanted one, and I told Tom to get one for me. He traded his Pikachu toy for one and I got to keep it. :D I love my Piplup.
After thatttt... I bought a shaveice and a shirt. Then rode the wooden roller coasters and the Ricochet. Richochet was a little dull. I wanted to try it, but after I rode that level 5 coaster I thought it was stupid. At the end they decided to pull a DICK MOVE and stop the ride abruptly throwing us foreward. I liked the Rebel Yell. Bumpy ride...
Then we ended up at these water rides. It was Samantha, Tom, Evelina, and I on the Log Flume... The log flume we went on was cool, but we didn't get too wet. I don't know why, but at the end of our trip we went to the water ones. This is the best part though. The last ride was White Water Canyon. Vyanh came on this one with us too. We got in this little boat and rode it down a choppy river. We got splashed so much. By the end of it we were all wet, Samantha was drenched, and worried about her cast so she got off. But the rest of us decided to go on it again.
And again...
And again...
And once more after that. :D
Five times.. I think the people were getting mad at us for riding so much. But we all had funnn.
We were done after the fifth time, and headed on home. We sang some more songs and slept, and saw elephants??? I guess the circus must have been leavin town or something. We were driving, and then saw a huge thing of cop cars. Thinking it was a checkpoint we thought we might've been in a little bit of trouble. But then there were these HUGE crowds of people walking across the street. And we saw elephants and horses and more people! How odd... xD
I got home a few minutes after nine... Tired... So nothing happened after that. But what a fun and exciting adventure.
I'M GONNA RIDE ANACONDA AND DOMINATOR NEXT.
Dropzone... I dunno. =X
Thank you Tom.
Thank you guys :]
Love always
CLT: As a kid I wasn't desensitized to heights or climbing... So I get freaked when it comes to that stuff. Spiders? Water? Blood? Heh, all that I can deal with. I feel like a kid all over again when I'm getting over that fear...
I conquered part of my fear of falling yesterday at KD. Those roller coasters that go upside-down, they were so freeing. I felt humiliated not going on the Beserker, being the only one not going on it (even Samantha could ride it), along with Dominator... I was terrified. I had to redeem myself in some way. So I rode the Crypt, a little ride that is sort-of supposed to demonstrate what being roasted on a spit feels like... I was gonna ride the Volcano, I was terrified of that... But it broke down while we were in line.
The Crypt: Samantha persuaded me to go up, while the guys were telling me I should stay with her, because I would freak out. I did freak at first, I almost asked the ride manager person to get me off, but I stayed on, and did a bunch of flips in the air. I screamed really loudly, but I made it out alive. What fun, what fun, I wanted to ride it again. When I got down I had double vision. @_@
After the Crypt I wanted to ride something with more loops, even though I was scared. I was psyched. I only rode one more with the upside down part though, the other one, and my favorite roller coaster so far was this indoor roller coaster called Flight of Fear. It in this HUGE building, shaped like a CIA facility out in front, but you go inside and it's this sketchy place full of boxes and caution tape. Then you get to the ride, inside a UFO??? xD
Evelina told us to watch it as they started up the ride... It starts off normal, the dudes checking seats and whatnot, but when it starts... wow. The ride manager wishes them a good trip with a mere "goodbye." Then the people zipped-off like at 70 miles per hour into this dark tunnel. It was creepy because both ends were tunnels, and both were pitch black. So I went on, sitting with Evelina. And the guy did the exact same thing to us:
"3... 2... 1... GOODBYE."
You couldn't see anything, except for the little flashes of light that illuminated up pieces of the track... Holycrap were we high up, but how amazing! When it spun us sideways I couldn't help but scream as loud as I could and grip the seat.
I think the scarest part of the whole upside down thing for me was the fact that you fall a little bit out of your seat sometimes on roller coasters... and doing that upside down??? Not for me. I didn't want to feel that at all. I didn't at all once I tried it though... So awesome.
So we ate a picnic in the car, even though the air conditioning didn't cool down enough for us, and it was hotter inside the car than outside. Tom wanted to winride anyway prizes, and face Calvin in some games, so us girls and Vincent went to find things to ride on our own. We rode a lot of the smaller stuff, and we were going to go on this standing roller coaster, but we didn't because we didn't want to leave Samantha... I was still afraid of this one, so I didn't really volunteer to go with Evelina when she said she wanted to anyway... Next time~!
When the guys came back, everyone but Calvin, Samantha and I went on Dropzone... I was NOT going to go on Dropzone, not yet. That's a lot scarier for me than going upside down. A straight-to-the-ground fall. So that's for next time too. :]
After Dropzone I saw these little Piplup plush toys. I wanted one, and I told Tom to get one for me. He traded his Pikachu toy for one and I got to keep it. :D I love my Piplup.
After thatttt... I bought a shaveice and a shirt. Then rode the wooden roller coasters and the Ricochet. Richochet was a little dull. I wanted to try it, but after I rode that level 5 coaster I thought it was stupid. At the end they decided to pull a DICK MOVE and stop the ride abruptly throwing us foreward. I liked the Rebel Yell. Bumpy ride...
Then we ended up at these water rides. It was Samantha, Tom, Evelina, and I on the Log Flume... The log flume we went on was cool, but we didn't get too wet. I don't know why, but at the end of our trip we went to the water ones. This is the best part though. The last ride was White Water Canyon. Vyanh came on this one with us too. We got in this little boat and rode it down a choppy river. We got splashed so much. By the end of it we were all wet, Samantha was drenched, and worried about her cast so she got off. But the rest of us decided to go on it again.
And again...
And again...
And once more after that. :D
Five times.. I think the people were getting mad at us for riding so much. But we all had funnn.
We were done after the fifth time, and headed on home. We sang some more songs and slept, and saw elephants??? I guess the circus must have been leavin town or something. We were driving, and then saw a huge thing of cop cars. Thinking it was a checkpoint we thought we might've been in a little bit of trouble. But then there were these HUGE crowds of people walking across the street. And we saw elephants and horses and more people! How odd... xD
I got home a few minutes after nine... Tired... So nothing happened after that. But what a fun and exciting adventure.
I'M GONNA RIDE ANACONDA AND DOMINATOR NEXT.
Dropzone... I dunno. =X
Thank you Tom.
Thank you guys :]
Love always
CLT: As a kid I wasn't desensitized to heights or climbing... So I get freaked when it comes to that stuff. Spiders? Water? Blood? Heh, all that I can deal with. I feel like a kid all over again when I'm getting over that fear...
Saturday, April 18, 2009
April showers.
OKAY~ I'm here postiing about April, a month full of crazyness and wonder and excitement. I'm posting because Calvin says I neglect this blog, and I do... So thanks for the reminder, Calvini.
April has been a crazy fun month, at least spring break/last week has. What adventure and insanity.
I'm gonna skip the school time and go to the fun stuff :D
Starting off with spring break, because that's what happened first, heh.
After all the edgyness and tense feelings of the week before spring break, it was ushered in, and the adventures were on. Friday through sunday were interesting, and i loved my alone time on Monday and Tuesday. I got to go to Unique! I bought books and two shirts there. I got new headphones, too. Ones that won't break on me. I feel naked without them now, and I think I might go deaf soon because of them. But I love them <3
The rest of my week was interesting, to say the least. I met a new friend~! His name is Ananta. He definitely got off on the wrong foot with everyone, with his whole "loving" Samantha (Vo) thing, but he's chill. :]
The DBZ movie was terrible...SEQUEL? LOL.
I spent a morning with Josh which was nice, too. We need that alone time together to make it work. I want it to work, he's so sweet and awesome to me, but I don't know... I just don't know about him and me.
A week of school later, and Tyler's fun party :D
Now tomorrow. but more on those two subjects later ^^
April has been a crazy fun month, at least spring break/last week has. What adventure and insanity.
I'm gonna skip the school time and go to the fun stuff :D
Starting off with spring break, because that's what happened first, heh.
After all the edgyness and tense feelings of the week before spring break, it was ushered in, and the adventures were on. Friday through sunday were interesting, and i loved my alone time on Monday and Tuesday. I got to go to Unique! I bought books and two shirts there. I got new headphones, too. Ones that won't break on me. I feel naked without them now, and I think I might go deaf soon because of them. But I love them <3
The rest of my week was interesting, to say the least. I met a new friend~! His name is Ananta. He definitely got off on the wrong foot with everyone, with his whole "loving" Samantha (Vo) thing, but he's chill. :]
The DBZ movie was terrible...SEQUEL? LOL.
I spent a morning with Josh which was nice, too. We need that alone time together to make it work. I want it to work, he's so sweet and awesome to me, but I don't know... I just don't know about him and me.
A week of school later, and Tyler's fun party :D
Now tomorrow. but more on those two subjects later ^^
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Cat's out of the bag.
So I've been with this guy, Josh, for about three weeks now. I don't know why I haven't said anything about him to anyone but the lacrosse team... He's where I go before practice.
I can't say I'm not attracted to him on some level. But there's a part of me that doesn't want to be with anyone at all. He's such a nice guy, he's treated me better than any one guy has at all. I'm just unsure about where I stand.
Unsure is one word for it.
I just don't want any attatchments.
As for never blogging anymore... That's not going to happen. I don't blog as a way to tell people what they want to hear, or what I want to tell them. I do it because I need a space to vent, and to be, without my mother digging through my things and uncovering a notebook or whatever. But I am aware that this is public, and on the internet. That's why I have a private one too ;]
I feel bad about being rude to someone.. But there's nothing more I can say to them to make our tension go away... So right now, I can't help it. I'm a terrible person, I know, I'm sorry... For everything, you know who you are. And I'm saying that and not trying to sound like a psycho. xDD
Blahblahblah.
Last thing I want to say:
Life is good, for me right now.
I think life is going well, for the first time in a while, almost through and through.
So let's get tie up the loose ends, and get things the way theyr'e supposed to be. :D
I can't say I'm not attracted to him on some level. But there's a part of me that doesn't want to be with anyone at all. He's such a nice guy, he's treated me better than any one guy has at all. I'm just unsure about where I stand.
Unsure is one word for it.
I just don't want any attatchments.
As for never blogging anymore... That's not going to happen. I don't blog as a way to tell people what they want to hear, or what I want to tell them. I do it because I need a space to vent, and to be, without my mother digging through my things and uncovering a notebook or whatever. But I am aware that this is public, and on the internet. That's why I have a private one too ;]
I feel bad about being rude to someone.. But there's nothing more I can say to them to make our tension go away... So right now, I can't help it. I'm a terrible person, I know, I'm sorry... For everything, you know who you are. And I'm saying that and not trying to sound like a psycho. xDD
Blahblahblah.
Last thing I want to say:
Life is good, for me right now.
I think life is going well, for the first time in a while, almost through and through.
So let's get tie up the loose ends, and get things the way theyr'e supposed to be. :D
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
