Happy birthday to me (just follow the day)

Light
And day
Is more than you’ll say
Cause all
My Feelings
Are more
Than I can let by
Or not

My blog needed a little revamp :]


so here we go.

Another year older, another year to change.

I've always said change is good.

Happy birthday to me.

I can't believe how many people gave me stuff yesterday.
Sarita, Evelina Chau, Tyler, Tom, Elena, Leah Sam, Liz, Any-Vy, and so many people had birthday wishes.
The day before at our homecoming event Sammy and Tyler even ordered me pie. ^^ Everyone sang.
I was so happy. I still am,

I love my friends, I really really do.

Speaking of love~
Its a wonder why I can't hold a relationship, its my type, my type of guys that I'm into.
Jeremiah still drinks behind my back a lot. I can't make him stop and I can't monitor him any more than I already try to. It KILLS me to think that he could die, or get into some sort of incident because of it.

and because I can't save him from himself

It's me or the beer, that's what I'm going to tell him. I'm not going to blame myself anymore, and I'm not going to be the one who picks him up after he goes down again. Vinh thinks he wants to be just like his father, maybe that's right. I don't know. We talk about that stuff a lot, relapsing, and trying to be good. I'm trying to let him know whats up, and I'm trying to tell him to let up, but he's not. I can't stop him from drinking, but it's out of control. Jess told me about an incident yesterday regarding him and his drinking. She told me yesterday about it, it didn't happen yesterday.

If he's playing me w/ the drinking, what else hasn't he told me..........

Jess. Ohmahgawd Jess.

She called to wish me a happy birthday yesterday, I miss her. We can talk about anything, anything at all, and she won't judge me. She's got this reputation of being a pothead, and that's all, but there's more to her than that. The stuff just clouds her judgement and perception sometimes.

I can honestly say she's the first female I've actually had feelings for.

Her crush has feelings for me.
What.
The.
Fuck.

I'm astounded, considering the person.
And her ex has feelings for me as well.
What.
The.
Fuck.
x2.
Strangely, I have a certain attraction to them at the moment. Its most likely because of the circumstances. They like me, hey, let's see what they're like.

I was on the phone with them till midnight, when I started dozing.
I didn't really know what to do/say. They were so nervous, I couldn't help but stay with them.
I ended up flirting a little bit too. I'm worried I'll seem to act a certain way, and make them believe in certain things that aren't true.

Which happens a lot with me and romance.
I get caught-up.
Which is why I don't do well with relationships.
Because my feelings sway so easily.

Like today, heh.

I don't know what came over me, but I wanted it.
The X.
I just wanted it.
I wanted to escape.
I wanted to feel a bit like I knew I could.
Happy and carefree.
I'm a natural pessimist.
I need to feel something other than a resounding hate once in a little while.

The X made me feel like someone different, I felt things differently, reacted to things differently, expressed my thoughts differently.
I just needed it.

Why at school? I don't have a real reason for that.
I wanted it, in the morning, because that's when I recieved it.
I took it, after feeling the tablets in my pockets for a while.

I felt safer at school.
People to keep me out of trouble.
No real things to hurt me.
No stimuli that could affect my trip, but Sammy. xD

I realised something today.

There's something about this person, let's call her Fiona (the 1st name that popped into my head xD), that makes me feel bad.
Like I want to tell her, I want to shake her wildly and scream in her face:

You're fucking normal! There's no reason for you to act this way! So ignorant sometimes! So incoherent all the time! There's a brain in your head that works! Use it!

She brings me down.

Anh-Vy.
She brings me up :]

I feel kind of distant to her, because I don't get a lot of readings from her. I know when she's sad and such, but its a little hard to tell when she wants company.

My "readings" are my vibes i guess. I can tell what's going on from just looking at somebody, somebody I know pretty well. I know instantly when they're sad, or when they're angry, I'm good at it I guess, I have a pretty high-accuracy rate. Not to be cocky, but hey. It's my talent. I have to show it off. ^^

She's easily set off, like me, from what I can tell.
I don't know what to do sometimes.
Because I don't know what to say sometimes.
I don't know how she'll react.

Like me, sometimes I don't know how I'll react till I hear what people have to say. If somebody tells me something on a certain day, I may act differently if they tell me on a different day.

I'm not very good with critisism at all though.

That's why I like her blog~
I feel as if I can learn how to take some things, and not get mad at myself for making her upset.

Her intelligence, and her views on the world amaze me. I would really like to have a neat convorsation about the world over tea and homemade scones with her (hint hint Anh-Vy :D).

heh, sorry Vy-anh!
I don't mean to try to describe you, or something, and I hope I'm being correct with what I'm saying.

I don't really know how to feel right now.
I'm not angry, and I'm not sad,
but I'm not happy.
I'm numb, as usual.

I'm comfortable in it.

Hm.
I found a new band that I like. =D

They're called The Polyphonic Spree.
They did that Just Follow the Day song (just follow the day and reach for the sun~). Which just-so happen to be the lyrics on the top of my post today.

I found them while stumbling. It was this little game, with their music in the background.

Google "Quest For the Rest Game" (I'm too lazy to find the game myself xD), and play the little point n' click.
You'll get a good idea of their music.

Or just Google them! Play the tracks in the music section.

Heh,
I feel better,
I got a lot out. ^^

Au revoir~

The Calvin Lin Trend: I [try to] monitor what I say around certain people, because some people will judge me. I just know it.