re: happy couples?

there's nothing in the world that I want more than for him to be here with me.

Distance hurts.

The age difference kind of makes it difficult for my mum to understand (he's 14 months older than me.. so he'll be 18 while I'm 16.). Which makes this very difficult.

The fact that he calls me drunk. With no idea what he's saying. Makes me want to cry.

Yea. I'm real happy.


And yet... I can't say I'm NOT happy.
He treats me like I'm actually worth something.
he's the only person I've never lied to....
He tells me all the things I need to hear.

He's not going to leave me.
I love him.. I think I can believe that now.


Lately I've been feeling so odd.

I go from being happy, to lashing out at people. I really don't understand how it happened. I just feel like I'm becoming something.

I literally am lashing out at people. That's not figurative. I'm sure people have noticed it too.

I'm turning into such a bitch. I know I am. So yea. Just come out and say it.
Well, its not that I'm turning into a bitch, I already am a bit of a bitch. I just don't like people knowing.

I mean... I gossip, I have a hatred for some people when they really didn't do anything to me per se. I just can't stand being around them. AT ALL.

I bitch about that all the fucking time; and then about 10 minutes later I feel like shit about it.

I don't like being like this.. I really don't, maybe I should just interact with people every other week or so... So I can't get tired of it.

Hm. Maybe I need some medication.


Urgh. Fuck my life.

I know if I could go back to feeling better I could go back to loving school and life again.
I just don't know what made me feel so depressed. Actually, I think I do, but I don't really want to talk about it....

I just took a Vicodin. My last one. My mum has been taking them/throwing them out.

I'ma go enjoy my rest day. Get caught up, and all that. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be back to at least somewhat normal...

The Calvin Lin Trend:

I think about dying every. single. day.
Either about dying myself. or asking myself why I wanted to die in the first place.