c'est le finale...

and the beginning of something completely different.

**

I'm never good with brakeups or fighting....

Vinh and me cried on the phone last night.
I can't say I don't "love" him..... because I do. I'm just not "in love" with him, the way he is with me. That doesn't mean that I don't care for him, and think about him. He was right, though. If I'm not in love with him, we shouldn't be together, because we both won't be truly happy. Vinh deserves more that what I can give him. I just can't see myself with him for the long haul. We're too the same, in specific ways. We like the same things: same music tastes, same lifestyle choices, we could agree on pretty much everything. That just got dull.

We do the same things, we share a group of friends. We don't ever clash, no arguments, no challenges, it was just too easy.

And yet we're different.
I want something out of life, I want to be something. He'd rather sit on the couch and smoke all day. I want to go to college, Uni... Not like. NoVA. He'd rather..... sit on the couch and smoke all day? Day to day musings between us were dull. It was just not what I was looking for. Even if we were so much alike, I just couldn't find a romantic connection. But I don't want to never speak to him again.... It's too hard for me to picture my life without him in it.

He could never make me smile the way Jeremiah does (He's the reason we broke up in the first place). Vinh...... just, didn't fit with me. Jeremiah tells me things, and I can open up to him. He's sweet, but not over-sensitive (like someone...). He's got feelings, but he's not a crybaby. He can make me laugh, make me cry, make me smile, make me mad. Vinh can make me smile. He can make me feel good about myself. Probably just because he said he loved me, and meant it. No guy has ever done that for me. Jeremiah doesn't need to say it.

Because I just know he has feelings for me. He told me he does.

Him: Goddamn.....
Me: Hmm?
Him: Why.... why did I meet you after Vinh?
Me: Because you didn't call Jess that night and didn't have an awkwardly-hot phone convorsation with me.
Him: I know but that's not it... What I mean, why aren't I with you instead of him?
Me: ..... I don't know.
Him: You don't?
Me: Well... to be honest, I'd rather be with you. You make me feel different. I get those, butterflies you're supposed to get when I'm with you. I just don't get them with Vinh. I can't see myself with Vinh anymore.... He just doesn't seem to fit me the right way..

And that's how it all started last night. Vinh heard our convo on the phone.
That was some kind of night.
Too much crying.
Too much learning about myself.
Too much letting go.
I'm going to go back to sleep.

Different note: i got my teeth cleaned today.
I have this flouride treatment on them. It's so disgusting. It's like someone put soapscum on my teeth.