i love him... I do.. I know I do.

Why would I feel this way if I didn't love him???

I did what I did [this time] because it was a once in a lifetime chance. And a chance to get back at julio. I got farther with her than he has. I can't decide if that's a bad thing or a good thing.

I know he'dve thought it was hot. So i'm not all that remorseful about it.
I just want to know why I would do that if I loved him.
I'm so confused.
In my head I want to be with him.
In my heart I can't decide.

I know I won't ever find someone like him. Why am I throwing that away??

& I don't want a fling anymore. I love you. I want to make true on our promises.

I'm not going to let some party get in the way of that.

what the fuck.

I'm so fucking hungover right now.
I'm writin this to help me remember what went down.

Party.
People.
Booze.
Sky Vodka... so much vodka.
3 cups of colt 45.
Weed.
Regrets, I'm pretty sure we ALL have them.
Fear, everyone was scared at one point or another.
The hilarity... Looking back on the hazy night, some of it was actually pretty funny.


I remember bits and parts of last night, most of which I want to forget...
I'm so sorry, I honestly didn't know what I was doing.
I made it stop, though, if there's a plus in that I did make it stop before it went any further.
I wouldn't let him get to second base. or third, or home. We KISSED. And truthfully, it was the worst thing I've ever done. It was disgusting, on more than a physical level.

my head hurts..
Samantha is writing on post-its
Vy-anh is half asleep
Liz is playing with the dog

I want to die.
I'm so sorry Vinh... I hope you know that.
I need to stop, so I don't do this (^that!) anymore.

Vinh... I don't know what to say to you.
I feel horrible, Jess said the same thing I said to you about what happened.
I love you, -
It's taken me forever to actually realize it, but I love you. I would never do anything like that intentionally. I was pretty fucked up.

I'm going to be better about getting drunk.
I'm not going to smoke as much.
I promise.

he's pretty much everything I want

Even though I won't admit it to your face.

He cries, but for good reason.
He's the biggest pervert in the whole world.
He laughs for no reason.
& humms the Indiana Jones theme.

He's wayyyyyy too nice.
He likes to wrestle with my little brother.
& french me with a mouth fulla smoke.

His voicemail machine always gets me.
He needs to shave his peach fuzz if he wants me to kiss him.
He hides who he is on the inside, but has showed me.
& I feel wonderful.

Yeah, there's nothing left to say about it.
He's changed my life.
& He's pretty much everything I want.

Even though I won't admit it to your face.

I shoplifted for the second time yesterday... Thursday I took a container of nail polish from Rite Aid. I wanted it. So I ripped the tag off and took it.

Underwear this time. The expensive kind from Victoria's Secret.
Two for me, and two for ____.
Another person took a coupla pares too.

I'm not ashamed, I don't feel guilty.
I don't know what came over me.
I needed a rush, I guess.

Tiffany & Vinh [6.01.08]

I know what he wants, he told me. the same thing guys always want
I know what I want, I told him. the same thing girls always want
Is that all he wants from me?
He tells me he loves me every day. I don't know if he means it or not...

I'm nervously shaking here. I don't know what to say, or how to say it. I like him, but a week into it, and we're already here? I don't wanna be hurt again. I'm a lot more inexperienced than he is. There's so much I want, and so much he wants.
It's summer. I want a "fling," a romance, whatever. I don't know if I want this.

He'll be here in almost a half-hour.
I'm scared.
But I'm ready for anything.

how beautiful

Let's talk about change everyone:

How beautiful is the sunset
When the moon blocks the rays?
How warm can the Earth be without them?
How strange would it be-
to forecast snow in June?
It's a little dark in here.

How deep is an ocean
Without water?
How far down can we go?
Who is being swept away?
What are we leaving down there?
It's so dry without it.

Don't let him sheild you, sun.
Do not let them drain you, ocean.
Your beauty surpasses-
Any experiment
For love and life and laughter
Change you more than that.


I really need to write more -_____-