revived?

my generic one year post... typing it before I forget to/can't get to it until later and by later i mean 2010.

So last year around this time, what was I doing..?
December 2008.

Look at those posts...
How sad I was, my god.
I can't believe it.

I was just getting over things, and starting over, exposing myself to more things, and other people, and a bunch of shit I probably shouldn't have... But I did.

Looking back on all that, I know that I have come to quite a few revelations as of that date:

The most major one is what Julio did to me.
I blamed myself, to a point...
It wasn't my fault.
What he did, was what I say it is now.
He took advantage of me, I was stupid for giving him the opportunity to, but he did.

That doesn't define me.


Throughout 09 I have let people get under my skin, in my head, in my heart, and use my body. I have done a lot of growing. More than I expected, and in unexpected ways.

I have seen things that I did not expect to see, ever.
I learned who my real friends are, and who I should (and shouldn't) trust.

I have also learned that just because someone is nice to you, that does not mean they are a good person, in the long run.

I've done interesting things, had some interesting experiences. My first convention/rave, another piercing, being high at school (xD), a new pet, hookah, sneaking out, kings, smirnoff, and all those what ifs.

What if I hadn't lost the baby?
What if all those kisses had gone somewhere?
What if I hadn't done those things to myself?

I refuse to dwell on the past though, at least the negative part of it, there's no reason to.

I found my calling; I know the perfect blend of my talents, and weaknesses. What I can do in life that can help myself and my peers, as well as the world. Taking photography has opened my eyes in more ways than one.

I know who I can trust now. I believe I know who and what should and shouldn't be in my life anymore. I know I cannot be selfish in my beliefs though.

I can be stubborn and outspoken, like I already am, but I can't let it hurt other people's relationships.

I've also embraced my sexuality. I'm proud and willing to let my relationships grow, not push people away, both friendship wise, and romantically.

I've become a happier person~ More carefree, I'm not letting things get to me the way they used to.

I've met so many new people... Well not met, necessarily. More like, gotten closer to. Reggie and Stephanie in photography. I would say that Reggie is my closest friend right now XD Which is sad.. yet, I like it; because Reggie and I agree on so many things, and disagree. I feel as if my ties with my current friends are slowing down though... I miss our girly sleepovers, and our talks. Let's bring them back~

In the past few months I have been changing even more than I have in the past year. I have reevaluated my standards of a person I want to be with. My happiness does not ride solely on him, but it does help a lot that he's here with me.

I've told him quite a bit. I trust him with my whole heart, and I hope he can get to where I am as well, someday.

Leo Leo Leo... You're such a strong influence on me right now.
I feel as if I would be becoming someone I don't want to be, if I hadn't met you.

I want 2010 to be the best year yet (:
I want to grow more, and blossom, become a muchmuchmuch happier person than I was, and that I am right now.

I have my friends beside me, and I hope we stay this way. <3
Let's grow stronger together, mmkay?

Love Always ~<3

CLT: I wish I was more comfortable with my body... Once I can be 100% comfortable with it, I'll feel soooooooo much better about me.